Movie Review: Acrimony

So last night I decided to treat myself to this movie and let me tell you....I enjoyed every single second!!! I wanted to see this film as soon as I saw the trailer BUT I didn't because people on social media and others that I knew complained about the ending. See this is why you go and see things FOR YOURSELF because like I said, I loved everything including the ending.

There are a few reasons why I love this film, but the main reason is because for the first time, I was able to be an observer of my own life story. The main character Melinda (played by Taraji P. Henson) is a woman who is basically labeled as crazy because of her hostile actions towards her ex-husband and his new wife. Melinda is court ordered to attend counseling to process her emotional issues and manage her anger. Now as a counselor myself, I always love analyzing counseling scenes in movies because I like to see what theoretical perspective the therapist is coming from, what therapeutic style is being used, and what the possible diagnosis for the client might be (yeah I know! lol look I can't turn it off ok this is what I do all day every day). But in this film, even though I understood the therapist's line of questioning of Melinda, I didn't agree with the diagnosis that she was suggesting (multiple personality disorder). The scenes where Melinda was in therapy allowed me to see how a person (especially a black woman) can be easily labeled as being psychologically disturbed just by looking at the situation from the outside. Melinda narrated her issues from start to finish and the movie provided visuals to that narrative. As an observer I could empathize and understand Melinda's state of being and what led up to the present moment that was shown at the beginning of the film. This just goes to show that no matter how detailed you are with your own personal story, no one will ever know or understand it better than you because you don't just tell your story, you LIVE IT everyday! Some parts of your story may be so disturbing, painful, and traumatizing that you may not think rationally or clearly which would ultimately effect your behavior and daily functioning and that's where therapy comes in...to help you sort through, organize, and if necessary throw out things that are cluttering your thinking. When your thinking is clear, you can make better decisions about your actions.

So back to the movie. The entire time I was in awe of how similar Melinda's experience was to my own. To be honest, it almost made me want to cry because it was like I was looking at myself on that screen! In previous blog posts I talk about past relationships that I've been in (link to previous posts can be found if you click on the ABOUT tab on this site and it's right next to my picture check it out!) But anyway, the very last relationship that I was in resembled Melinda's relationship almost to the T (without the crazy parts lol)! I was with a man who I essentially built up and in building him up I was tearing myself down. I stuck by him as he struggled trying to figure out what he wanted in life, I invested my money into him and things that he wanted, and I always supported him no matter what, I bought him better clothes, paid for nearly all of our dates, and drove an hour (one way) to pick him up and drive us around because he didn't have a car. He refused to get an actual job because he considered his passion as an actor as a full time job and didn't want a work schedule limiting his time to go to auditions. I dealt with that for almost three years, but the crazy part is...I knew it was a problem in the first month of us dating! It would be little things that he would say that let me know that financially he wasn't stable, but just like the younger version of Melinda I really liked this guy and wanted to "hold him down" and show him that I really cared about him.

I remember all of the sacrifices that I made to make him happy and keep our relationship afloat. What I received from him in return didn't nearly equate or exceed what I had given and that left me feeling robbed, stupid, and taken advantage of. The movie made it really easy for me to see what would be considered obvious but I also had to remember I was on the outside looking in. When you're actually IN the problem yourself...the obvious doesn't seem so obvious.

The relationship with my ex had been gradually deteriorating since we had started dating but things all came crashing down when I found out that he was cheating on me with multiple women in person and online. I just couldn't believe that after EVERYTHING I had done to show this man that I loved him, that he would do this to me. I wasn't the perfect girlfriend. I had my shortcomings too, but I know for a fact that I DID NOT deserve to be treated like that. I remember storming out, driving off, and crying in a McDonald's parking lot for 3 hours in the snow after I found out about the infidelity. A few weeks after this I considered suicide. I was tired of being used, lied to, and hurt and I just wanted all the pain to stop. Needless to say I got my butt into counseling and after doing a little over a year hard work, I won that battle (praise God!). It's things like this that build up over time and cause women to "loose it" emotionally. This movie forced me to reflect on the fact that this wasn't the first betrayal that I had suffered from a man that triggered negative emotions and behavior.

When I was 21, I almost slashed a guy's tires because I found out that he was cheating and lying. This makes me think of when Melinda crashed her truck into Robert's trailer. When I found out this guy...the guy who I had given my virginity too (based on a lie) was cheating with multiple women I remember feeling out of control of my emotions, I was so angry because I had given this guy something that I could never get back!

I remember pulling up to his house in the middle of the night. I walked up to his car and just stood there. I couldn't do it. I sat in my car and just cried because I was in so much pain and couldn't do anything about it.

These types of experiences cause very strong emotions to build up over time. If you don't talk to someone about the pain, it could result in irrational and violent types of behavior or a severe psychological and emotional breakdown. Another thing that this movie showed me was God's grace over my life during these hurtful times. Unlike Melinda, even though I was hurt beyond belief, God stopped me from making it to altar and saying I do to the wrong man. The last man that I was in a relationship with I thought I was going to marry! I would have said YES if he had popped the question!!! God put a light on what he was doing in the dark and I realize now that I had to get hurt so that I could see that he was NOT the man that God had in mind for me. Melinda was with Robert for 18 years....18 YEARS!! She ended up dying in her own pain. Think about it...that could've been me...that could've been any of us acting out our pain like that...BUT GOD! We all have a choice when it comes to how we deal with pain and this film laid out a strong message about how things could go if we make the wrong choice or letting our emotions make the choice for us.