Single & Selfish

"Black Panther" Photography by Perfect Touch Productions

So for the last few months I've been making big plans for my birthday. Yup, on 4/27 I turned 33 years old! I was super excited about my special day. The last 12 months had been challenging in so many ways. I mean trying to plan my birthday AND work AND go to school AND deal with life had been extremely overwhelming. My birthday is a big deal to me because I get to celebrate the fact that despite the challenges of the last year...I SURVIVED!!!

I always take time out the day before my birthday to pray and reflect on the lessons that I've learned. Over the last year, the biggest lesson that it's ok to be selfish. Now I know how that might sound BUT hear me out...

As I began creating and fulfilling the plans for my birthday, I felt happy and thankful to be doing so many things that I love to do. Being a doctoral student takes up %98 of my life lol so my birthday is the perfect time to celebrate because it is at the end of the academic year. The first thing I do (months beforehand) is plan a big photo shoot for myself. I've been a professional model for 10 years and I absolutely love it. I don't get to shoot very often because over the years modeling has become less of a priority and more of a passion to engage in when I have the time. Now, you can have something be both a priority AND a passion but over time most things fall into one or the other (it's important to be aware of that change when it happens). Anyway, producing my own shoots takes a lot of time and thought but it always comes together better that what I imagined. After I shoot, I plan a trip for myself. I think about places I would like to go, buy a ticket, and prepare for an amazing adventure (this is also planned months in advance). In preparing for my trip, I always take myself out for a day of pampering before I leave (getting my nails done, pedicure, hair appointment, and every now and then a massage) so that I am refreshed for my trip. Of course there is a budget that I have to calculate for all of this stuff but I take the time and save the money to do all of the things that I want to do...which brings me to the point of this post.

As many single women desire, I also desire to be in a relationship one day. Not just any relationship, but a divine and anointed connection with a man that God has created and selected just for me that will lead to marriage. WITH THAT BEING SAID...even though I have a strong desire to be married, I have learned to love being single. I realize that there are so many things that I'm just not ready to give up right now. I know that when it is my time to enter into the right relationship, I will have to make sacrifices, modifications, and adjustments. Both as a future spouse and parent I will have to be selfless and place the needs of my family first. I know that as a wife and mother I will not experience my birthdays like I do now...that's why I have learned to CHERISH my single status instead I have made the choice to CHERISH it. I cherish the time that I have to myself, I cherish the money that I can keep to myself, I cherish my sleep, I cherish the free time that I have to travel, I cherish peace and quiet....but one thing that I can admit not cherishing enough...is my time with God.

The Bible talks about what your focus should be as a single person:

...an unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit...

In I Corinthians 7: 32-35 Gods makes the clear distinction between what the single man and woman should be focusing on and what the married man and woman should be focusing on. This verse is the reality that has helped me to see how wonderful it is being a single person. Not only can I spend all of my time doing what I want, when I want, and how I want BUT I can also spend every second of my time with God!! I can pray when I want, I can write in my journal to Him when I want, and I can go to church when I want, and can sit in His presence when I want! I can admit that I have not taken advantage of these precious moments but that is about to change. I don't want to take for granted that I have no distractions when it comes to spending time with the greatest love of my life..GOD!

I've spoken to many women who are working women, wives, and mothers. They try very hard to spend time with God but it is difficult because something or someone else always needs their attention. I remember talking to a woman one day at my church. At the end of service I saw her rushing to leave out. I asked her if everything was ok and she stated that her two year old son was with his father and she wanted at least 10 minutes to herself out in the car. We both laughed but this validates the point that when you have other people in your life that you are taking care of, your attention is divided and it becomes more difficult to spend time with God. Another woman that I know, explained to me the in order to pray she must wait until it is very late at night with her two children and husband were asleep. She told me that at this time, even though she was extremely tired from her day, it was the only time of the day that was peaceful and quiet so that she could spend time with God. A woman once told me that she tries to "steal" a few minutes with God when she goes to the bathroom lol even though her 3 year old daughter and her dog always seem to find their way in the bathroom with her!

So at the new age of 33, I've happily accepted my single status. Right now as a single woman my life is simple because it's just me. Things for me do get complicated sometimes BUT I consider them simple compared to how my life will be when I marry my husband and we start a family. Now don't get me wrong...I am very excited about being a wife and mother one day but what I'm saying is I want to make sure that I enjoy THIS chapter so that I won't enter into the next one with any regrets about what I didn't finish, what I didn't do, what I should've done, and what I've always wanted to do.

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ~Philippians 4:11 (NIV)

Singles, I know it may not always feel great being single but I encourage to rethink your singleness...it is a blessing that you don't want to take for granted. It's ok to be selfish right now. Make yourself a priority, get your dreams in order, let God lead you in your purpose, get your life together, travel, and enjoy your own company until "company" arrives.