Worth Watching

I saw this picture a few days ago and it really caused me to scratch my head. I used to think that this statement was valid but now I'm not so sure. A portion of this statement is referring to a particular verse in the 23rd chapter of Psalm:

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. Psalm 23:5

On social media, I used to be connected with people who were a negative reminder of my past. Ex boyfriends, ex best friends, family members who I had little to no relationship at all, and old co workers. Every time I thought of deleting and disconnecting from these people permanently, I would have the same thought as stated above. I felt it necessary to show and prove to those who hurt me that I was going to "eat good" right in front of their eyes. I felt the need to show people that despite what they did to me, I would be good. Do you feel this way? Like you have show people that you're good?? Do you want to rub your success in their face and show them what they missed out on?? Well you may not want to admit it but I think that the answer to those questions is yes. I mean it was hard for me to admit this to myself! But you have to ask yourself, "Why is it so important to me that this person sees how good I'm doing?" I know for me, I wanted these people to feel stupid. I wanted my exes to regret their choice to mistreat a great woman like me. I wanted my family to see that I didn't need their support to make it. I wanted my ex-best friends to see that I had new friends now and that I was having fun. Essentially what I wanted was to hurt them with my fake happiness.

If this is the attitude that you hold it shows me something, that you're NOT over what happened to you involving the people who hurt you. Again, I'll use myself as an example. I wasn't over the pain that people had caused me. As much as people like to say and believe that, "I'm so past that!" most of the time that's a lie. It's OK not to be over something and do you know why it's OK??...because it takes time!! Healing from hurt takes time and so if you're not over it, that's ok BUT the plan is to do what you have to within your own personal process of healing to get over it. Most people aren't even trying to figure out how to heal because they're too busy denying that they're still hurting.

DENIAL

Denial is the worst kind of pain in my opinion because it robs you of the chance to really acknowledge that something wrong happened to you. A lot of people have really went through some TERRIBLE things in their lives. As easy as it is to act like nothing happened, it's ok recognize that something DID happen to you. Denial is a psychological defense mechanism that the mind uses to avoid the uncomfortable and distressing feelings that come with acceptance of truth. And that's the issue, people find it much easier to avoid the truth than accept it. Denial is classified as a defense mechanism because as with any defense mechanism, it is used to DEFEND against a perceived attack against a vulnerable area within ourselves. Most times our areas of vulnerability are our egos, feelings, weaknesses, and insecurities. Denial can be helpful and hurtful.

Then he said to them all: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their crosses daily and follow me." Luke 9:23

In this scripture Jesus had just revealed to the disciples that, he would soon be killed. In this context, denial is functioning as self-sacrifice. In this case you are denying what YOU want in order to follow Jesus and receive what HE wants for you. We all have used denial at different points in our lives to sacrifice what we want for a greater outcome. For example, denying yourself junk food and fast food in order to eat better and live a healthier life. In this way you letting denial of engaging in bad behaviors push you towards good behaviors and ways of living. On the other hand, denial can also keep us engaged in negative and unhealthy behavior and that ties back into not accepting truth about something. Things like addiction and abusive relationships are external manifestations of avoidance and denial.

So let's look back at the phrase above. I think that when you recognize and fully accept the hurtful things that have happened to you, the need to prove to others that you're good will not be important. A lot of times we try to convince others to believe the lie that we have forced ourselves to believe and social media makes it SO EASY to tell and believe lies. That's why we must be careful because the devil is waiting to attack your mind with doubt, fear, comparison, depression, shame and a plethora of other negative thoughts.

The reality is, everybody doesn't deserve to sit at your table. Everybody doesn't deserve to watch you eat. If you're enjoying the meal that God has placed before you on a table that he has set before your enemies that means GOD will seat your enemies. I always say, let God handle your guest list. God knows which enemy to place where so that they can see what He has done for you. And please understand that this dinner party IS NOT ABOUT YOU. This event is about giving God glory!!!! It's not about you showing off in front people. THIS IS ABOUT PRAISE NOT PAYBACK!!! So enjoy your meal but keep your intentions pure. If you know you need to block someone on social media, just do it because holding on to that connection is a strong indication that you're avoiding a truth. Don't let denial destroy your appetite.